Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
