You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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