She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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