The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
