i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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