My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
