P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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