I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
