once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize