Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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