I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
