yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
