Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
