Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
