dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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