Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
