He kissed a someone with a penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
