im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
