I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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