The maid of honor just puked.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
