thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
