Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
