it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
