Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
