goodnight i made you a song goodbye
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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