It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
