i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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