I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
