I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
