If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
