Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
