You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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