I heard we made out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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