Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
