he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
