I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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