He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
