no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
