Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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