Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Boobs are out for the taking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
