I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
