Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
someone owes me an orgasm
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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