I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
