How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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