No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
