Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize