I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
