Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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