GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
