I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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