i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
