there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
