i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
