worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
