well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
