So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In America we eat man semen.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
