some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
