Jerry, you need to find god
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
