sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
