also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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