I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
