No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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