READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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