I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
