that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
