she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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