I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
