all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
