She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These tits shall not be calmed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
