...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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