i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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