That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
